Like Good Friends

Is it possible
to feel alone and powerful
yet so fucking cold
and lonely all at once?

Can I do this
can I go through this again?
Strapped down, forced to watch
The movie that plays behind my eyelids
every time I fuck.

Let me go!
It all hap pend so fucking long ago
I know I'm all grown up
but when I'm trapped beneath him
I feel like a little girl again.

It's not you, it's me.
No really, it's me.
It's me and my sadistic,
fucked up memories.

I want so badly to be loved.
I ache to be held as I lay here crying
My heart is bleeding on the floor
yet no one seems to notice.

The louder I scream the more they turn away
The veins are popping in my neck
but my screams must be silent
and frankly I'm sick of trying.
I'm sick of fucking crying.

Every time I see her
the whore that I've become
I want to put my head through my mirror.
Like currency I've passed myself from owner to owner
Unaware that I had a say in any of it
Although I acted it out, it was never what I wanted.

Please,
I wish I could make you understand
But how the hell do you ask for these things?

I just want you to hold me,
make me feel loved again.
I just want to be close to you
Like good friends...